What do you get when you mix 7 hour work days (+ high school) with a hungry thirst for knowledge and big audacious dreams? Of course, this is a recipe for a slurry of adventure.
Slurry implies that everything exists in unequal proportions. And it's messy and scattered, and with this, beautiful.
The last few months have felt a lot like a slurry. A little bit of this, a lot of that. Nothing quite exists at an equilibrium, it's not "balanced", but life isn't balanced.
Intrinsically as humans, we seek to perfectly calibrate our lives. Divide the pi graph of 24 hours evenly throughout every aspect of our lives. But I am learning that “balance” really doesn’t exist. There will be busy periods of life when it feels like all the cards are stacked against you, and other times when you’re just riding the wave. (Plus I’m kinda an extremist and just have more fun diving straight into the deep end).
I’ve been working on some big projects that have been consuming the majority of my daily pi graph that I am SO so excited to finally share.
Writing a Scientific Paper; New Hardest Thing
I am constantly on the look out for the next hardest thing to push my body to.
But never have sought out the next hardest thing for my mind.
I want to change this. I view the next few years to be the training ground for my body and mind, and I want to push both to their limits.
So...I've dedicated the past ~3 months to pushing my mind. I had the opportunity to author a published scientific paper on maize bioengineering (basically write a PhD thesis on everything gene editing and corn in 3 months - a continuation of my maize project from the past 2 years), at first I was hesitant ; "I already have a lot on my plate". But I decided to make room on that plate to push myself in a way I have never done before. And to honor this desire I have to do really hard things.
It's been a delicate balance between pushing and preserving. Just as the line between peak performance and injury is very fine in sports.
I'm grateful that I managed to dance as close to this line as possible without crossing into it (ie burnout, depression). I'm grateful to myself for sticking it out. While at times I felt like a tight rope walker balancing authoring a paper, uni/scholarship applications, outdoor adventures, health, school + exams ~ I remind myself that I am training myself to handle hard things and thrive under pressure. And I'm having fun in the process.
There is a distinction, I've learned, between having fun in the moment vs enjoying the process. The moments can be hard, stressful and unenjoyable, but the overall process can be enjoyable. I've been reprogramming myself to see hard moments as an investment to a fulfilling and worthwhile process.
I recently finished my manuscript (40 pages and 670 references ~ 82 pages including references) which has now moved on to the editing process and then publishing! (Scientific writing takes so much longer than you think🙄). Connecting the dots between an entire industry and 5 decades of history was SO fascinating and itched at so many curiosities I am excited to pursue in the next few years!
“Suffering is the sandpaper of our incarnation. It does its work of shaping us.” - Ram Dass
The lessons I’ve learned from this process have taught me two important lessons that will guide my decision making for the next few years:
Do the hard thing
Do the thing that scares you
Practically all my time when I wasn’t at school, sleeping or running was spent gorging myself with information about the past, present and future of genetic maize improvement.
My goal was to create a centralized database of information compiling all maize research. Specifically a table containing every major gene that has been edited in maize and how. (I found 219!).
Understanding “what are the best levers (aka genes) we can tweak in maize to create a plant with increased nutrient content, heat tolerance, drought tolerance, nutrient availability, etc.” How have these edits been done in the past, and what are the bottlenecks we need to solve to 10X the impact of novel transgenic seeds?
This process was hard, but so fulfilling. I learned soo much about reading + writing scientific literature which I compressed into an article of tangible pieces of advice that made my research-writing process more efficient: Tangible Advice to Write a Scientific Literature Review. And a fun little video:
“Character cannot be developed in ease and silence.” - Helen Keller
The Last 10%
Being so invested in the vision of a long term project (for me; my paper), the daily “extras” get lost. The last 10% that makes you feel the fullest, but yet is the first thing to get cut when your schedule gets busy.
My last 10%:
Morning yoga and meditation
Writing for the beauty and fun of putting words to paper. Bringing stories to life. (I recently wrote an article about a special experience I had on the Atlantic Ocean during the summer - The Adventure that Ignited my Love of Adventures)
Calls with friends, old or new
Having unguarded moments of nothingness. Small chunks of time you don’t rush to fill in. Thinking, being present, truly an art to just ‘do nothing’ (I’m not very good at it:)
Writing letters!
Cooking and baking!
Watching documentaries. I have so much appreciation for film and storytelling!! I am fascinated with how to conjure intense emotions through a camera and script. (I loved watching the 2024 Banff Festival of Mountain Films!)
This concept of ‘balance’, and fitting everything - including the last 10% - into busy days is something I’m still experimenting with. How to split your time between pushing hard at big goals, while simultaneously doing the things that make you feel full? I don’t have the “answer”.
The best thing I’ve come up with is truly appreciating this moment. Even if it’s hard, scary and uncomfortable because this too shall pass.
Reframing “I will make time for yoga when my paper is written” to “this is the only moment that matters so I will make time for yoga because I enjoy it.”
Enjoying the process > rushing for the process to be complete to then enjoy the moment.
It takes patience and grace to enjoy - relish - in this moment without hurrying on to the next thing. I am so fast to take on big goals, and then rush to the next one without appreciating all the work it took to get there.
“Don’t rush. Speed doesn't matter when you decide to relentlessly keep advancing towards a dream which ignites your being.” - Hiral Nagda
One last thing…learning for knowledge
I have been honored to have had two phenomenal teachers throughout my four years of high school. My AP English teacher of three years has taught me the power of language, and bestowed on me this excitement about Shakespeare, poetry, the written and spoken word. My Advanced Functions teacher made me fall in love with math, numbers and calculations, and brought this intense joy to math that I found completely infectious.
The two seemingly opposite worlds of math and english is my happy place - I am both a STEM nerd and a word geek. And I believe that there is an intersection of the two that I will be able to find during university.
Both teachers, though, have taught me more about life than the subject they taught. The conversations about success, love and decisions have left such a meaningful mark on me.
And both teachers have embodied the beauty of education: learning for the pure joy and love of gaining knowledge. Not for a mark, assignment or exam. For the fun of crunching numbers and weaving words into an essay.
I have never thought of myself as someone who loves learning. I don’t like (to put it lightly) learning for a mark. But I adore learning for knowledge. Learning for knowledge encompasses so much more than what is in a textbook or classroom; it is experiences, conversations and people. I want to spend this next year out of high school chasing opportunities to learn that are not confined to any curriculum.
What I’m working on now?
I’m really working on not rushing on to the next thing. Taking an extended breath to just relish in the moments in between big projects. I’m learning to be more than the projects I work on - that I am not the project, goal or dream.
Trying to tame my stress about the future!! Reminding myself that everything will fall in to place; and to do the thing that scares me.
Super excited to learn more about the policy and infrastructure side of poverty alleviation (piggybacking off the first phase of my dot connecting exploration).
🔬 I’m very excited to be working with Dr. Hou and Dr. Campbell in the Hou Lab and Cyclotron Radiochemistry Lab. There are only 16 cyclotrons in all of Canada, and I feel so lucky that I get to dive into a new space of cancer therapeutics with such invested mentors and advanced equipment!
🥬 update: I’ve been growing bok choy and swiss chard in my hydroponics farm!
Thanks for reading! ❤️ Rachel
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If you’ve made it this far…a moment of appreciation for the weekly post-downhill-skiing-feeding-the-goats-carrots-and-apples time. The sign on the barn says: "You can't buy happiness but you can buy goats. And that's basically the same thing." I wholeheartedly agree.
Amazing like always!!!
The hydroponic farm is incredible! It's so lovely to see your smile again